Dear Gutted,
((HUGS))
Please know that you are among friends, and many of us here have been where your at. The first night I did some research, I was up all night. One thing lead to another, and I will never ever forget the hair that stood up on my arms as I discovered the orgzanization was steeped in pyramidology (which is demonic) in Russells time. So I can relate to your feelings you must be going through...I too was raised in the organization. And had been EXTREEMLY dedicated to the organization..
But this particular night, I stayed up until 4 in the morning, then tried to slip into bed...my husband of course caught me and from there..I had to tell him what I was up to and had discovered. It was like opening "Pandoras Box". I was in complete shock!! As I am sure you are right now. We understand, and please know that though you do have an emotional roller coaster ride ahead of you, however, I PROMISE things WILL get better!!!
For my husband and I...ultimately we pretty much quit cold turkey...it drew alot of unwanted attention since we were so active and my husband had been a Minesterial Servant for years...it definately sped things up....but we lost alot of our family along the way. Others here have gone about things a little differently. Rather then leaving cold turkey..they over time, slowly became inactive, thus preserving their relationship for the most part with their family and friends. Each person has to weight out the best course for themselves, but with what you have told us, maybe that would be a better way to go for you, as you would probably preserve your family.
Unfortunately though, it will mean continuing to go to the meetings and service for some time longer...which in itself will prove to have its own problems. You will no doubt become mad at what your hearing from the platform, and feel angry inside, but you will have to controll it, so as not to let the cat out of the bag. But be reassured, as hard as it may be, you can do it!! Others definately have! This forum will most likely become very helpful for you to express your feelings as you will find comfort from others here who have been in your shoes. It's a way to vent, and to have validation for your feelings, as well as to recieve much needed compassion, love and support.
One thing I would like to encourage you to do is to keep on researching...but most of all pray for God's Holy Spirit to direct you to the truth no matter what it may be...to give you comfort and strength. He will never abandon you...I promise!! The witnesses want you to believe that if you leave the organization, you cannot have a relation ship with God..basically they believe they are one in the same...at least that is the way they act. Many feel that when they leave they can no longer have a relationship with God because they have been brain washed to believe they can't. But remember, Jesus said we needeed only 2 things in order to be approved by God...Faith and Love. Because by these 2 things, all other things would be encompassed. If it was life saving for a person to be a JW, wouldn't it stand to reason Jesus would have mentioned it at least ONE time when he was here?? He didn't though.
Know too that you most will probably go through a full range of emotions...from confusion, disbelief, shock, anger, hurt and FINALLY peace...yes I PROMISE it will come..and when it does, you will look back, and it will feel like you have been given wings!! You will for the first time be able to use your conscience to serve your heavenly Father.
Remember...you don't have to "throw the baby out with the bath water" either. Many after leaving the organization have been so hurt and are so angry they completely dismiss God and Jesus. Many though are able to preserve that relationship with them. However, each must make up their own mind.
That being said, you will find some on this forum no longer believe in the Bible or God. But many still do. Either way though, through this forum we are able to share feelings, love and support to each other. We try not to judge one another all though we do not all agree, we respect the fact that we are entitled to our own thoughts and feelings. We have compassion for each other, knowing they too have been through and maybe are still going through their own fair share of misery.
I hope you continue to pray, research and stay with us here for support. There are MANY very knowledgeable people here, and if you are trying to find information on something, most likely someone here has it...so don't be afraid to ask.
Hang in the friend, and again, ((HUGS))...
Sincerely,
LADY LIBERTY
